Thursday, June 1, 2017

The Conundrum

So, it is apparent that I am of marriageable age (as per Indian statistics) and there are many people around me - family, extended family, distant relatives, neighbors, friends-close/not so close, acquaintances, birds, animals, insects who are deeply concerned about my marriage than my parents or me. So, they unrelentingly judge, advice, ask, suggest, worry, poke, gossip, irritate, enquire, embarrass, offend, hurt and humiliate.
Since I couldn't fall for a guy on my own, I fell for the concept of arranged marriage. Once and for all I have decided to clear all doubts or speculations around this conundrum.

What others think?
  • I am arrogant and reject all the proposals preposterously.
  • I don't dress up in a saree, so guys don't find me beautiful, attractive.
  • I have too many expectations when I say I am looking for a well educated person with a liberal mind.
  • My parents are careless, lazy or apathetic about searching the right groom.
  • Prospective grooms might be rejecting me because of my height, weight and colour.
  • It's high time that I should nod "yes" for any living thing that stands in front of me.
  • Too much late can cause complications during my pregnancy in future. In any case my eggs are dying.
  • My horoscope might suggest some terrible flaws.
  • My family and I are too cool about this thing and will stand bad example to parents looking to marry off their independent daughters.
  • I should visit tantrics, mantrics, babas, godmans, godwomans and 330 million gods/goddesses in India.
  • Our family god is angry on us for not praying him periodically.
  • Daughters shouldn't be given freedom or sent to big cities.

What the truth is?
  • Guys with good education, rational mindset and liberal views are rare. (They don't exist. If they do, they are either hooked or booked).
  • Patriarchal system has creeped too much into the society.
  • No marriage is possible in India without dowry or lump sum gifts.
  • Unfortunately, high price tagged grooms may also not guarantee happy married life.
  • Expectations of guys parents like - girl moving to another city/country leaving her career, cooking and cleaning for the entire family, keeping on ever smiling face..etc are not to be traded. Not even in dreams.
  • I need to give up on mini skirts, jeans, pointed heels if required.
  • People younger than me are getting married, roaming on honeymoons and procreating.
  • I am growing fat, old with strands of grey hair.
  • Guys working in India have suddenly disappeared into abyss.
  • Guys working in foreign ONLY want brides with these qualifications- Btech, fair, tall, rich, some software skills, GRE score if possible.
  • Great astrologers give my parents deadline of 3/6 months and keep repeating the cycle often.
  • I don't visit temple daily, perform puja, do fasting to please god.
  • Yet, I wear thick band of red sacred threads around my wrist.
  • The unending pujas to different gods continue including the cow gods to stone goddesses in villages and we pay exorbitantly for all the rituals.
  • You need to decide your partner within 20 minutes of your interaction that too amidst 10 more family members.
  • We end up spending too much on sweets and savouries when match fixing meetings take place.
  • Everyday I am required to login all sorts of matrimonial sites. (Heck! I don't even do that for my Naukri account).
  • My pics and biodata needs to be kept in handy so as to forward it in fraction of seconds to any matchmaker or prospectives.
  • My granny wishes to see my wedding before she dies.
  • My cousin's saree and jewellary shopping is linked to my wedding.
  • I am the only one left out in the entire generation and my whole family is keenly staring at me.
  • The first thing people ask when they meet us is if we have zeroed on any match.
  • Desperate men of all ages try to hit on single girls irrespective of their relationship status.
  • Single girls do not have family errands like buying groceries, bills, changing baby's diapers, yearly vacations, parent teacher meetings.. so they are not expected to take many leaves.
  • The chances of finding a groom starts diminishing once you hit late 20's.

What I think?
  • May be I am happy single.
  • May be I am tired of taking responsibilities.
  • It is weary to keep sending your pics and biodata everyday.
  • Will I be paying a high price of losing freedom?
  • What if the person turns out to be an abusive, chauvinist pig?
  • What if our wavelength doesn't match?
  • Why can't I find some genuine family who wants a sane humble bride?
  • Can I truly find a man who looks beyond colour, body, properties and social status?
  • Why can't I demand a choice of my own?
  • Why marriage is not a choice in India and is mandatory?
  • Why marriage and bearing children is the primary goal and a flourishing career and my entrepreneurship goal is trivial?
  • How can someone judge me without peeping into my mind?
  • How easy it would be if grooms come with customisations akin to Subway burger.
  • May be I should stop being stubborn on particulars and go with the flow.
  • May be my mom should stop accumulating sarees, jewellary, stuff for the D day.
  • May be I should stop attending weddings and functions for the fear of becoming a muse or centre of all discussions.
  • May be 36-24-36 is extremely vital and I should give up on butter on bread and cake beneath the cherry.
  • Even the ugly friend, dumb cousin, our street dogs are married and have a partner. Then, what is the fault in my stars?
  • I should start making questionnaire, develop factors, criteria to derive at an easy formula. Put the guys details and the result should come out as "Yes/No/Standby".
  • I give a scornful look at those who bluntly make statements on this whole drama.

The list is incomplete, ongoing. Don't get surprised if I come out with books with titles like "Finding a Family", "Buying pomfret vs Buying groom", "Tips to find your groom", "What prospective Indian guys look for", "The importance and happiness of being SINGLE", "Arranged marriages and underlying tales", "Critical analysis on arranged marriages (Detailed methodology, Sindhura's theory, formuale and practice material)".

Followed by training classes and mock tests. If interested, please register. (Absolutely free, free, free).

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